Hostile Takeover
by Akumokagetsu
Summary: Twilight never gets to be on top. This is something that has pestered her for a long while, and she is finally going to do something about it. Whether Celestia was planning on it or not.


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"But I still don't understand," the violet unicorn mumbled, evidently dissatisfied.

"You shall understand when the time comes, Twilight Sparkle," Celestia said sagely, the serene appearance never leaving her features as a light breeze rippled through her royal garden. Even when the breeze wasn't blowing in her direction, her multihued mane still managed to sparkle and twinkle with a light all of its own, rising and falling regally wherever she went.

"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to be on top now," Twilight grumbled.

Celestia's mane promptly fell to her side with a pfoot! and she gave her student a level look.

"… Me dammit, Twilight, how many times do we have to go over this?" she asked as they walked, friendly chirruping of the birds filling the air. "I'm older than you, bigger than you, and got _way _more bling."

"I still don't –"

"You my _bitch_."

Twilight Sparkle seethed quietly, the peaceful appearance of inner balance shining on her mentor's face once again. They passed a couple of life sized shrubbery in the shape of pegasi, and Twilight remained deep in thought. Certainly there had to be some method of changing Princess Celestia's mind on the matter.

"Surely you will listen to logic," Twilight reasoned, obviously not noticing the frown on Celestia's face. "I mean, it hardly seems fair that I don't even get to be the one on top once."

"Bitch, please," Princess Celestia rounded a corner of the garden, passing a large rose bush. "That's a slippery slope you're trying to climb; first you'll want to be on top once, and the next thing I know, you are bound to have Luna strapped into one of your devices whilst cackling maniacally on how you're the new 'Nightmare Twilight'."

"That was one time!" Twilight argued, furrowing her brows.

"Twice, actually."

"That's _completely _beside the point!" Twilight blushed furiously, keeping pace beside her mentor as they wound their way through a group of lilies that had been grown into the shape of a unicorn's head. "And I already apologized to Luna as many times as a mare can!"

"She still refuses to sit anywhere near a toaster," Celestia giggled, struggling to keep her composure.

"I'll bet _Luna _would let me be on top," Twilight groused quietly.

"Probably," Celestia admitted, stopping to admire a particularly well-trimmed topiary in the shape of a snarling manticore. "But you've also got to remember Luna's leather fetish. Do you _really _think that you'll last long with that many latex burns?"

"… No," Twilight admitted as she hung her head dejectedly. Another plan began to form in her mind as Princess Celestia continued her morning stroll, and she attempted to appeal to her emotional side instead.

"Can't you see that being on top for once would do _wonders _for my self-esteem?" Twilight asked pleadingly.

"Oh?" Celestia cocked an eyebrow as they passed beneath a vibrantly green arch. "And do, pray tell, how is that, dear student?"

"Being on top isn't just good for the identity; it's good for my _soul_."

"Bitch, if you got any more socially egotistical, I'd have to replace you with _Trixie_."

Twilight gasped, eyes as wide as saucers.

"Celestia!" Twilight gaped, giving her the best wounded puppy dog impression that she could muster. "I can't believe you would ever say something so-so hurtful."

"Oh," the porcelain goddess of the sun shrugged. "Well, I can."

And with that, she continued along her merry way.

Twilight ground her teeth in frustration, determined to win her mentor over. She followed closely beside Celestia, thinking quickly.

"Can't I just be on top for a _little_?" Twilight requested. "Just to see what it feels like?"

Celestia snorted, rolling her eyes.

"What do you think I am, a stupid teenager? 'Just a _little_, just the _tip_,' you whine as much as Discord."

"Did Discord get to be on top?" Twilight inquired.

"_Hell _no," Celestia chortled. "Cried like a _bitch_."

"Well," Twilight struggled while she shifted around an ornately carved bench alongside a short hedge. "What if I actually wind up crying from lack of being on top?"

Celestia took a deep, long breath and let out a worn sigh.

"Twilight," she said placidly, a porcelain wing sidling calmly over the shoulder of her apprentice. "Twilight, Twilight, Twilight. Must you _really _learn the hard way that tears make _terrible _lubricant?"

"Will I learn by being on top?" Twilight asked hopefully.

"You really are quite determined on the matter, aren't you?" Celestia gave her a level look.

"They don't call me 'The Twihammer' for nothing," Twilight bragged.

"Really?" Celestia quipped. "Because I'm still referring to you as little _bitch_."

"But I –"

"_Bi~itch_. Check one of your thesauruses, look up bitch, see a picture of yourself."

"But –!"

"Bitch; definition, Twilight Sparkle. Synonym, one who is always on bottom."

_"But I –!"_

_"Beeeeeeeee-yach!"_

Twilight snapped, tackling Princess Celestia with all her might.

Which, unfortunately, wasn't much to begin with.

"Oh ho _ho_, you want to be the _big _mare of the house, _huh_?" Celestia cackled, tickling Twilight on her sides with the downy tips of her white wings.

Twilight shrieked, her high pitched giggling filling the air as she struggled to breath.

Celestia laughed along with her, aiming for the sides of her belly and tickling her again. Twilight did indeed manage to stay on top, regardless of the fact that by this point she was gasping for breath through her laughter and wriggling violently as she strained to keep her mentor pinned.

"I-I-I c-can't-!" Twilight giggled, twitching as tears of laughter rolled down her muzzle.

"Sorry, _what _was that?" Celestia hooted, tickling the unicorn's ribs with her spare hoof as she grinned up at her. "I can't hear you over the sound of you crying like a _bitch_."

Princess Celestia finally ceased her irritating assault on the struggling unicorn atop her. The moment she did so, Twilight flopped against Celestia's chest, puffing and huffing through her titters for breath.

"S-still finally o-on top," Twilight breathed in exhaustion, tired yet victorious smirk growing.

"So I see, my student," Celestia beamed at her, resting a velvety wingtip on her student's back. "... But you're still my bitch."

"In all likelihood, Princess Celestia."

"Now, who's your deity?"

"You are, Princess Celestia," Twilight snuggled against her mentor.

"_Damn _straight."

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End file.
